Managing Anger in your Relationships

In every form of Personal Development, managing anger plays an important role. In our everyday endeavor, we interact with old friends and colleagues as well as meeting new friends whom we know nothing about.

As normal as it is, we don’t get to trust these new friends at a go except occasionally when they prove they can be trusted from the first contact and this is usually observed from their choice of word. Friendship is built or developed with time and become stronger as you increase in communication with these individual. Despite the continuous building of our relationships, Anger is inevitable. Either you are provoked by your spouse or friend and you could be the cause of the provocation. You might be doing your best right now to avert anger in your relationship which is good but what happens when it occur?

We have been made to know from our previous post that anger is a destructive element; it can ruin your relationship.

 

Managing Anger in our everyday life and relationships is very important.

It is not get abnormal to get angry with our partners time after time, but managing it effectively is the key. To help reduce the destructive nature or effect of anger on yourself and in other relationships, the following tips will give you a head start.

1- From personal experience as thought by my mum specifically is to BE CALM. Since anger will continue to fuel anger, keeping calm will give you a great insight of your personality or that of who is involved. It is always better for anger to quickly subside. The more anger lingers, the more destruction it will cause.

BEING CALM has worked wonders for me in keeping old relationships and building new ones. It is like being at the middle of the sea and one part is raging seriously (stormy) while the other side is calm (still). That is how it is when a partner is raging and the other is calm. Now imagine if both side of the sea rages at same time, (destruction)

So be calm and watch the anger subsides.

2- Problem shared is problem half solved. DON’T HIDE YOUR FEELINGS; share them but not when the atmosphere is tensed. Let calmness take it’s’ cause. When the tension has subsided then you can share your feelings of dislike of the anger expressed by whom it is involved. Let the person know the impact His / Her has on you.

3- DON’T ADDRESS ANGER IMMEDIATELY; though it depends on the scenario at that time. If outburst has not occur and you are able to notice the gradual change of mood in your partner etc, you can address it immediately but calmly by asking ‘Honey, are you okay’ but calmly because if left alone will worsen. If anger is already expressed, don’t for any reason address it immediately else you might add more fuel and it is going to burn like wildfire, (most time it ends up as argument).

4- MAKE PEACE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE: Once the atmosphere is calm, make peace. There is nothing compared to peace of mind in any relationship, this will also increase trust, understanding and love and confide in you as a friend or partner.

5- RECONIZE YOUR PARTNERS FEELINGS:When your partner is angry, with a subtle voice let them know you can see they are angry and try to talk them out of it.

6- LISTEN AND BE ACTIVE: Here, listen to what your partner (whom involved) has to say and contribute positively, he / she might just need a pat at the back, a peck or a warm hug because if you don’t they will feel you don’t take their feelings seriously and will want to show you how seriously they are by doing things that will draw attention.  There are techniques for listening that you can use effectively. I will be posting on this soon

7- Agree in part is also known as FOGGING: when there is an outburst, especially accusation, it is advised to agree in part if it is actually true but let the person know you didn’t know how much impact it had on them.

8- TAKE A WALK: This in particular has helped me greatly. When things get out of control, your partners don’t want to hear a word from you etc. just go for a walk. Same time the atmosphere will cool off. When returning, if it is your spouse, get her a gift, anything even flower. It will help the situation greatly. 

More suggestions are welcomed

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With Love