When it comes to children, you are their role model. Parents are their first teachers. It is important to let them know how to deal with various situations as they age. Appropriate responses lead to positive outcomes. Never is this more important than dealing with defiant children.
When
you Model appropriate behavior for your children, it will make things easier on
you and on your children.
What Makes Defiant
Children Different
Defiant children may suffer from a condition called ODD,
Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This is more complex than just being stubborn.
These children are disagreeable in the extreme and the behaviors occur almost
daily. Parents often feel responsible or guilty for their children’s behavior
anyway, so this just makes the situation that much more intense. The children
may break the rules, talk disrespectfully, and repeat annoying behaviors on a
regular basis. Traditional types of discipline only fuel the children's anger
and irritability. Parents often find themselves on a perpetual search for new
ways of handling the situation.
Practice what you
preach
To help the children and family, professionals, who
specialize in behavioral disorders, can offer effective methods to help parents
problem-solve, decrease negativity, manage anger, and increase social skills. There
are also family sessions to discuss how the issues affect each household
member.
In addition, parents can make things better by modeling the
behaviors they want their children to emulate. Defiant children have a problem
dealing with their emotions. Looking at their parents examples can assist them
in making the best choices.
Practice Handling
Adult Conflicts
During the day, you have many opportunities to practice
conflict resolution with the adults around you. If your children hear you
yelling at the customer service person when you have an issue, your children
won’t think twice about yelling at you and others. Instead of becoming loud or
aggressive, learn to communicate with others calmly and quietly. Even if your
children aren't anywhere around, the chances are high that someone's children
are within hearing distance.
Wait Patiently and
Quietly
Have you waited in line for a long time because of a slow
checkout person? Don’t mutter about them under your breath and then smile at
them when you get to the head of the line. Resist giving people dirty looks as
well. Waiting is a part of life.
Practice waiting patiently and quietly. You feel better in
the end and you set the standard for your children when you model the behavior
you expect to see in them. The earlier your children learn and master this
skill, the better off they will be. Let's face it. To be perfectly honest, it
also means that you will be embarrassed less often by your children blurting
out something they obviously heard you say.
Kids watch you interact with others. When you have a
disagreement, don’t yell, stoop to name-calling, or bring up the past. Deal
with the situation at hand. Focus on the current issue only and redirect the
focus back to the present as needed. Ideally, when people disagree, a
compromise is made and each person gives a little.
There are times when a compromise just isn't possible under
the circumstances. In this case, it's best to set a boundary, agreeing to
disagree. This allows you to accept that the other person has a different point
of view without agreeing with it.
Accept the
Consequences
If you miss a payment, you get a late fee. You are
responsible for paying it on time. Don't make excuses or lay the blame
elsewhere. Accept that you made a mistake and do things differently next time
so that you don't make the same mistake again. When you accept the consequences
of your actions, your children will begin to understand that they aren't the
only ones who have to take responsibility for what they do, or don't do, and
say.
Use every opportunity to demonstrate positive behavior to
your defiant children. It reminds them that they always have choices. The trick
is to show them how to weigh the consequences of each and make the best choice.
Picture: Pixabay
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Model Appropriate Behavior for Your Children
Reviewed by Juilal
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Reviewed by Juilal
on
12:06
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