Selfish? How To Find The Balance And Change Him

All you need is love in a relationship, but sometimes love is never enough. If your significant other is selfish then you know love is not enough.

Because he is selfish does not mean you have to break up with them or start unneccessary argument or trying to stick to a point. Instead of blowing up which is what most people will do, there are different ways to handle your selfish partner and bring them back to their senses.

When you have a selfish partner, you start feeling like a slave in the relationship trying to meet their needs all day for them to be happy. What about yours?

Read 16 Signs Of A Sick Relationship - Get Help

How to deal with a selfish partner
The search for love is what make us get into a relationship. We desire that one person that is going to be with us through—not to mention to cuddle with *wink*. The truth is "love isn’t enough". I know it is hard to believe but it’s true. Love isn’t enough but it is a neccessity for a healthy relationship.

Every relationship involves connections and it also consists of compromises,—a lot of it.

1. Give yourself more attention.
So your significant other is selfish, like seriously selfish but unknown to you, you’re feeding it. And you do so by giving him too much needed attention. Most selfish people like all attention to be given to them. It’s time you reverse this by spending some much-needed attention on yourself. Don't think it's a payback thing but you need to break the dangerous cycle you’re in.
 
So, instead of putting his needs first as he expects, put yours first especially when he least expected. Spend time doing things that you really love doing and making quality time for yourself. Your partners needs are important but for a selfish partner, theirs shouldn’t be a priority over yours all the time.

Read 73 Questions To Ask That will Change Your Relationship

2. No deadlines.
You shouldn't give a deadline or ultimatum to your significant other who is selfish. His way of thinking is different from yours.You telling him to wake-up or take a walk isn’t going to do any good. You cannot give an ultimatum or deadline to someone who doesn’t understand what’s going on in the first place. They feel whatever they are doing is right. They think of themselves first and in his mind, that's how it should be.

To get around this: first, tell them the things they do which are selfish in nature and you must be specific about them. Thereafter, pin point the advantages or rewards that will come if he changes and how it will affect the relationship positively.

3. Find out why he is selfish.
In relation to #2, Selfish people always have a reason or two why they act the way they act. It is possible he is giving and selfless outside your relationship and this could make you so confused as to why he’s treating you this way.

Possibly you forgot he’s had a life before you and could be one that had some trauma in it. His past could be what is responsible for this behaviour. Though this doesn’t mean he gets a free pass for his actions. Rather, it's to your advantage if you succeed in identifying the cause and then use that as a way to change his behavior.

4. Talk about it.
In relation to #2 and #3, most people at the early stage of their relationship, sitback and assume he will change. Sorry dear, he's not likely to change unless you change. And in so doing, you have to start speaking up for yourself and expressing verbaly how his behavior makes you feel. Don't use body language and expect him to understand your message of displeasure at his behaviour.

The use of "I" statements are neccessary in this case to express your thoughts / feelings. You don't need to yell or cry to drive your points cause it'll amount to nothing, you don’t want to argue over this too as it could leave you devastated. Remember all you want is to improve the situation - better relationship. Hence, sit down and talk about what is going on. Don't hide your feelings.

5. Rediscover yourself.
It's unfortunate that when we’re with a selfish partner, we could forget ourselves and important values that has helped us over the years.

Deep within you, you know you deserve better, you don’t deserve to be treated this way for any reason especially if you are from a selfless background, yet you stayed put. So, it’s time to rediscover yourself and your values.

You need to bring the power back into your hands by realizing you don’t need to be with a selfish partner in an intimate relationship and that you’re better than this. This takes some courage but you must take the bull by the horn.

6. Time-out.
In reference to #5, in self discovering, if you’re getting too much of his selfish atitude, taking a time-out might be neccessary. This could be tough though. You don't need to call it a break or break-up with them, this just means you’re talking a couple days for yourself to get some fresh air.

It is important to make him understand your intents so it does't upset him, leading to other relationship problems. During this period, think about your welbeing (mentaly and other wise) and what you need in a partner and don't forget your future because it depends on your decision today.

7. What's your need- Time?
You’ve had some time to think about what your needs are. Could it be some time? Whatever it may be, when you need something from your significant other, for example, you need someone to listen to you talk about your day or anything perculiar to you, make sure you’re very clear by simply asking if they’re able to listen to you. The odds are, they’ll most likely be able to dedicate that time to you.

8. Constant reminder.
It is not easy to recognize selfishness in ones self or to accept one is selfish. This calls for the need of constant reminder if he agrees to change. Also remember it is not easy to change. He needs your assistance if your truely want him to change.

9. Create healthy boundaries.
I have always encouraged the creation of healthy boundaries for healthy relationships. In handling selfishness of your partner, healthy boundaries must be put in place. It will take him time to become aware and accept his behaviour.

So, be aware of what behavior you can tolerate and what you cannot tolerate - BOUNDARIES. There are some things that you should compromise with and there are compromises you should never make in a relationship. Figure out what they are because they could be too hurtful.

Read 7 Relationship Compromises You Should Never Make

10. They desire change.
In reference to #8 and #9, if you really want your selfish partner become someone more considerate, this means he has to desire change. If you’re encouraging him to change and he’s not willing to, it’ll never happen.

11. Do you want to be with HIM?
Here is a question that requires a genue answer - Do you want HIM as your partner?

In reality, selfishness isn’t something that someone is going to get over in few hours, a day or even months. Though it is possible but reqires great effort from the person. If they desire to change, they’ll work on it day after day and try to reduce their selfish tendencies by you constantly reminding.

12. You’re responsible for them being selfish.
Sure, he’s selfish, but you’re allowing the behavior. You had to have seen the signs. You knew they were selfish early into the relationship, and you probably thought that it wasn’t a deal breaker or you want to make them happy, so you let it slide.

But now you’re tired of their behavior. The truth is, you didn’t create a boundary and did express your displeasure at their behavior.

Now you know how to handle a selfish partner, it's time to take action.

Read The Red Flags To Look Out For InYour Relationship

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