When gaslighting, the abuser finds a way to make the victim think he or she is crazy by steadily questioning and making the victim question their own perception of reality.
In our previous post, we established 12 warning signs of gaslighting you should not ignore. In this article, you’ll
learn how to effectively extinguish gaslighting.
Gaslighting has become one of the useful tools used in emotionally abusive relationships and many don’t know they’re being abused.
Most gaslighters are often those you confide in and share your
emotions with. They know everything about you, how you think, etc.
Their methods of gaslighting work because they know how to get
close to you so you won’t easily suspect when they start playing out their
script. They appear like a loving and concerned friend. They sometimes
come so close and become a lover.
Unfortunately, the victim can’t believe that someone who loves or
cares for them so much would be the one that’ll purposefully and systematically
hurt them.
Note: Not all disagreements are evidence of gaslighting in any
form but reality you need to face. Gaslighting points at you questioning your
reality/senses. In relationships, there’re times where one person’s memory of
an event is at odds with the other. That’s not gaslighting. All you need is to
clarify issues and move on.
Gaslighters regularly call the victim’s sensitivity of their
reality into question. They’re usually talented manipulators, twisting any
problem between them into being the victim’s fault or accusing the victim of
being “too sensitive” or, ironically, manipulative. They’re crafted at twisting situations in their favor making it seem you’re stupid.
They sometimes use non-verbal rude behavior like eye-rolling, sigh,
a look of disbelief, etc to execute their plans so that when you talk to a
friend, they won’t believe because they don’t hear the abusers voice. That
implies that the victim is stupid or irrational and soon your friends won’t
believe whatever you say about the abuser.
With reference to our previous post, the abuser irregularly or
simultaneous after gaslighting expresses love and friendship in a bid to throw
the victim into confusion.
We also mentioned that gaslighting is not about love or friendship.
It’s about power and control to remain relevant or dominant. A gaslighter is
someone who needs to feel superior and who manipulates people at all cost to
further their selfish agenda. They really don’t care about you even if they
profess their love.
Here are the 7 effective ways to completely eliminate gaslighting
1. Be aware that you are not likely to change a gaslighter.
A gaslighter world is different from yours. They see and think
differently from you. Gaslighting behavior is the only way gaslighters know to
manage their world-to feel relevant. For that reason, they are not likely to
respond to rational appeals from you to change.
For a gaslighter to give up their manipulative attitude, it has to
be willingly and it usually requires intensive therapy.
2. Identify the pattern gaslighter use to carry out their plans.
Unfortunately, gaslighting works when a victim isn’t aware of
what’s going on around them. But once you become aware of their patterns/tricks
used to manipulate, it won’t affect you as much.
You’ll know when they are at it again and you’ll be able to
protect yourself so their manipulative words won’t have any effect on you.
3. Keep in mind that the gaslighting isn’t about you but the urge
to remain relevant.
With reference to #2, it’s about the gaslighter’s burning desire
for control and power. They feel less human without control and power.
4. Gaslighters are insecure.
With reference to #3, the gaslighters are hyper insecure and in
order to feel secure, they need to feel superior. Naturally, superiority makes
you feel secured like you’re on top of the world. So in order to feel safe,
gaslighter need to feel they have the upper hand always.
Knowing one of their motives will help you take it less personally
while deciding whether to maintain the relationship or take a walk.
5. Rethink if the relationship is worth putting up with.
They can’t continue to trample on your self-esteem for their
deficiency. If the gaslighter is your supervisor, the best option here is to
look for another job.
If the person is a family member or a bestie “friend”, consider
how to put some distance/space between you.
If it’s a significant other and you want to preserve the
relationship, you will probably need to insist on couple’s counseling/therapy because
you just can’t do it alone no matter how hard you try.
6. Develop a system.
You need other people in your life who can confirm your reality,
worth and remind you who you are. Remember from our previous post we stated
that gaslighters often try to isolate their victims in order to stay completely
in control.
They often further manipulate their victims by repeatedly telling
them that they are the only person who truly loves and understands them.
Don’t fall for it. They say so in other to gain access into your
head. Try as much as possible to spend quality time with friends and family who
have different opinion from the gaslighter.
7. Work on rebuilding your self-esteem if already damaged by the
gaslighter.
One of the best ways to do this is to remind yourself that you’re
a love-able and capable person, regardless of the opinion of the gaslighter and
also surrounding yourself with positive people that’ll help bring out the best
in you.
8. Don’t shy away from professional help if you need it.
Victims of gaslighting often lose confidence in their own thoughts/mind,
feelings and find themselves double-checking on a regular basis like they’re
insane.
Gaslighters subject their victim to extreme depressive feelings of being helpless and
hopeless. If you recognize yourself in this paragraph, you need a professional
help ASAP to dig your way out of the devastating effects of gaslighting.
NB: A therapist can offer you practical advice and support to help
you recover.
8 Successful Ways To Extinguish Gaslighting
Reviewed by Juilal
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Reviewed by Juilal
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