You’re not attracted to a friend but you’re totally in love with them. Ever been there? Here’s what is a queerplatonic relationship and how to recognize one from afar.
Read: 25 Signs To Recognize A Queerplatonic Relationship
The confusing world of friendships, love and
romance! Hmm, let’s call it our love for labeling purpose, or just our way to
trying to define a specific feeling towards someone, a queerplatonic
relationship is something most of us feel at one point or the other.
Read: 10
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Even if you don’t realize it. Wondering what is a
queerplatonic relationship, and what are the signs to recognize.
What
is queerplatonic relationship?
A queer platonic relationship is a relationship
between two people and they can be different genders/sexes that merges between
non-romantic and romantic, and non-sexual and sexual. It’s not friendship, but
it’s not a relationship either. It’s that cozy and confusing spot somewhere
between friendship and relationship. Most often, we’re confused about our
status.
Have you ever felt really close to a friend? Let’s say
someone from the same gender. You’re hanging out with them, and you don’t have
a genuine reason why you do so, but you’re really happy to be in their company.
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You’re having a drink with this person and you can’t
help but feel like holding their hands. You stare at their lips, and you have
no idea why, but you imagine what it would feel like kissing them or make out
with them. Maybe you’re bisexual, yes, or maybe you’re just in a queerplatonic
relationship with this person.
People call this kind of relationship many different
things like a quirkyplatonic relationship, quasiplatonic relationship, or by
initials ‘QPR’, or Q Platonic
Relationship. So if you come across these words, you now know what it really
means.
Are
queerplatonic relationships like friend crushes?
A queerplatonic relationship is one where you feel
an intense level of closeness towards someone, and sometimes, there’s
attraction, and it’s mutual too. You’re both friends,
and at the same time, when others see you both together, they don’t know if
they should address you as friends or as lovers.
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So is it like a friend crush? Yes, it is, but
there’s more to it. A friend crush is when you’re infatuated by a friend
because of a specific trait of theirs. But a queerplatonic relationship is when
you both decide to move one step up towards relationship territory.
Your feelings could be romantic, or sexual, or both.
If you both act upon it, it turns from a crush and moves into queerplatonic
territory.
Is
there any kind of intimacy in queerplatonic relationships?
There could be romantic or sexual intimacy, if both
friends desire it and act upon it. You can be in a queerplatonic relationship
with a friend, if you enjoy holding hands, cuddling together, kissing, or even
making out or having sex with each other. You could just be two friends, and it
could be a secret relationship as well.
But if you’re confused about what you’re feeling
towards this friend, chances are, you’re in a queerplatonic romance with them.
Do
we have to label it?
No of course, if labeling it makes you feel
uncomfortable. But it does exists. If you slept with your friend, and feel
intensely attracted to them, you may feel confused about it. This is especially
true if it happened after a couple of drinks and now both of you don’t want to
talk about it in the fear of embarrassing the other person. Sometimes, it just
happens under no influence.
You can ignore it for a while, but if the same kind
of sexual or romantic intimacy crops up often between you both, maybe it’s not
such a bad idea to actually talk about it. Talking about it will help you
define what you share. A romantic relationship or friends with benefits. QPR is
something close to friends with benefits.
After all, if it happened once, it’s accidental. But
if it’s happening often, maybe you both do share a special connection with each
other. Why not talk about it so you can understand how both of you feel towards
each other?
Can
you be in a relationship with someone and be queerplatonic with someone else?
This happens all the time, and that’s where the
awkwardness and embarrassment of queerplatonic relationships crop up. You may
be in a relationship with a boyfriend, but you’re intensely attracted to your
female best friend.
When you find yourself or both of you acting out on
these feelings for each other, you can’t help but wonder if you’re just having
a bit of fun, or if there’s some serious attraction in the friendship as well.
Though this can be termed cheating to some people.
While it’s okay to express what you feel towards
each other, it’s still some kind of cheating if you’ve not made it clear with
your own romantic partner. Many people experience this confusion when they
pursue a romantic relationship with someone, and yet, are drawn into a
queerplatonic relationship with someone else.
Just to be clear, a queerplatonic relationship can
be monogamous, or polyamorous. But it’s always right to bring these feelings
out in the open so a third person isn’t hurt by your decisions or actions.
How
do you address your queerplatonic partner or friend?
The word that’s commonly used to address someone
you’re in a queerplatonic relationship with is a “marshmallow” or a
“mallowfriend”.
On the other hand, if you have a queerplatonic crush
on a friend, and it’s still one-sided because you’ve chosen not to act upon
your desire yet, it’s generally called a Squish.
Queerplatonic relationships are very common. Let’s
admit it; we have all fallen in love with someone who we shouldn’t really have
feelings for. We have all met that awesome friend who was either our mirror
image or just “got us.” There are so few people in this world that you can
truly call “friend” and who always have your back. For some, that doesn’t
always happen in just a romantic relationship.
In a queerplatonic relationship, the intensity and
intimacy that you share with one of your friends provides you with more
security and fulfillment than you get with the person you are committed to,
married to, and having sexual relationships with.
It doesn’t have to be about sexual arousal, they are
simply someone who completes you. You really can’t explain why.
Picture: Pixabay
Reviewed by Juilal
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