In relationships, it’s okay for couples to disagree over conflicting issues. There’s nothing really wrong in having disagreements with your partner. The problem is if you argue on an hourly basis, maybe you should reconsider the relationship itself.
Beside, arguing is actually a sign of a healthy relationship because your partner is not an island of knowledge and you can’t sit, legs crossed without you sharing your opinion on any issue like a furniture hung on the wall.
Read: How to Disagree Without Arguing In Relationships
The chances are, during those disagreements, there’s a chance one of you will say the wrong thing or do something awful or unintentionally hurt the other feelings. Does this mean the relationship is over? In most cases, NO. It may take a while, maybe hours and in some cases, days. But the good news is that the relationship usually bounces back.
The time it takes for couples to reconcile and move on with their lives is totally dependent on them. These are issues that should be talked about while dating. Things like how to resolve conflicts, who pay the bill, who does this and that in and around the house.
Read: How to Handle Non-Handy Husband for Healthy Relationship
Do you cry? Do you ignore him for a couple of hours, days or probably weeks waiting for an apology? I’m sure you have your tactics.
Situations in relationships are to help us grow and become better as partners and as individuals. But there’re a couple of things you can do to learn from every disagreement as they arise in the relationship.
Note: if he’s constantly and intentionally hurting you emotionally then you need to look beyond this and might need to take a walk because it’s really not a healthy relationship any more. If he knows what he’s doing but isn’t changing, he’ll never change even after marriage.
Read: The Red Flags To Look Out For In Your Relationship
Nevertheless, here’s what to do when your significant other hurts you emotionally:
1. Speak up and
don’t act passive-aggressive.
You want him to pay for what he did. It is what it is no matter the term you use. But acting passive-aggressive doesn’t help the situation an inch. Passive-aggressive only make things worse because your emotions will only aggravate inside of you until you snap like a wire. I’m sure you don’t want to snap at your significant other. It’s really not good to snap at anyone, talk more of your partner.
2. Do not question.
What if? Why? Is this what I deserve? Was it something I did? Was it me? You might not find the answers you seek for and peradventure you did, they just might not benefit your situation in any way that moment. No matter how many questions you ask yourself or your partner, it doesn’t change the fact that he hurt you and it won’t change the outcome. Try to manage situations respectfully in your relationship without hurting one another.
Read: 11 Ways You Might Be Disrespecting Your Husband
3. Do not regret
time spent with him.
Memories are forever just like diamond. Try not to wish away the memories you made together just because he hurt, but remember the lesson learned.
Read: What Did You Learn From Your Previous Relationship?
4. Let the tears
flow out.
There’s no crime crying out. Let those tears flow and don’t bottle them up. You’ll be doing yourself more harm than good by bottling them. Mind you, someday you’ll burst without control. So just let them out as they come. When you need to cry, please cry. Even if it’s for just a second. It helps express your pains and reliefs stress too.
5. Don’t shut him
out, allow him to ask questions and be willing to provide answers.
Most guys are skeptical about asking questions especially when the atmosphere seems tense or not sure how there partner will react to their questions. Maybe he’s nervous his questions will result to a fight. And this is why you need to stay calm when you perceive he has something to say but he’s not speaking up.
You can try talk him through by asking if he wanted to ask questions on any issue. Make him feel safe and he’s definitely going to pour out his mind. Ensure not to use his words against him and provide best answers to his questions. Those questions could be the ticket to solving both present and future problems. So listen to his questions carefully.
Read: 5 Stupid Questions You Should Not Ask In Relationship
6. Explain your
feelings.
With reference to #5, after listening to his questions, you may tell him that your feelings were hurt. Though your explanation doesn’t mean he understands why.
This is because his perspective on certain situations may differ from yours. So, when you finish telling him your feelings were hurt, it’s also your responsibility to go into detail as to why they were hurt. If you go further by explaining how and why you felt hurt, he’ll soon be sorry for hurting you so badly without even realizing it.
7. Make new plans
with friends and look forward to spending time with them – get some fun
outside.
Go on a road trip with someone close to you. You could go to the amusement park and take that wild ride on roller coasters screaming. Just do something that will add some excitement/fun to your life.
8. Think of the
lessons you just might learn from the hurting experience.
There is always something to learn from any experience. Maybe you can’t realize it now, but as time passes you’ll be able to recognize things you didn’t see or realized you learned and only appreciate you just managed a situation perfectly by applying knowledge gained from your previous experience.
You definitely learn something from this mess of a heartbreak/hurt. The bottom line is having an open heart to learning something new each day.
If you live with him or you guys see each other on a daily basis, then you need to give yourselves some space. It’s called relationship break by intentionally or not being unavailable. Make your partner miss you and you miss them as well.
Sometimes, it’s overwhelming when you’re with someone too often.
Getting some time of the relationship will help you reflect on the relationship and situations surrounding you guys.
10. Occupy your thoughts.
Thoughts are powerful and that’s why it is important to get busy. Do not sit around thinking how and why he hurt you all day because that could be very dangerous and might yield no result. Get involved with activities that you find to be therapeutic/relaxing. It could be going on a boat ride, painting, Writing, cooking or running. Do whatever it is that you need to do to occupy your thoughts from him.
11. Do not be
malicious.
Read: 9
Boost For A Peaceful Relationship - Home
12. Don’t isolate
yourself.
This is not the best time to stay isolated. You need all the love you can get at this time. You need your friends and family around. Reach out and use your family and friends as your support system because they’re the best support you need and they’re always there for you whenever you need them.
Remember that your friends and family want you happy and would never cause you the same hurt that your partner caused you.
13. Forget your
plans with him.
This is a different turn. If you’re taking a walk out the relationship, then you shouldn’t dwell on the plans you made with him because they won’t just happen. Life sometimes doesn’t go as planned, but that shouldn’t keep you from living it to its fullest.
You enjoyed life before him right? So, you can enjoy life
after him.
14. You’ll find
someone who will not hurt you the way he did.
With reference to #13, whenever you decide to let love in again, hopefully it will be with the right person who will treat you the way you deeply desire.
Read: How To Apologize In A Relationship Like You Actually Mean It With 14 Helpful Tips And Be Happy
15. You don’t need
to prove any point to him.
You really don’t have to prove anything to him because chances are he knows he’s a loser by letting you go. Don’t feel like you have to make all manner of post on your social media to prove a point. Just be concerned with your own happiness.
16. Remind yourself
that you deserve better.
No matter how many times you have been hurt and how many times you have heard these words, “You deserve better,” do not think it’s a false statement. It’s so true honey, you do deserve the very best. Just because you’ve been hurt several times before and have heard it numerous times, you can’t doubt it now.
17. Tell him your
feelings were hurt.
With reference to #1 and #6, the truth is that if you don’t express your feelings, he won’t know how exactly you feel. Most people assume their partner should automatically know how they feel, but remember he’s not a mind reader and he most certainly won’t be one.
Sit your boyfriend down and talk to him. Let him know how exactly you feel when he hurts your feelings. If you expect your boyfriend to do better, then you most tell him what he did wrong.
18. Let him talk.
With reference to #5, you should let him say what’s on his
mind. With this, you’ll be able to have a picture of what’s going on in his
mind. Perhaps it was a miscommunication about doing the dishes and he wonders
how possible that hurts you so badly. By allowing him talk, you’ll understand
little but important facts about his communication and how he understands
things and also you two will work better on your communication.
19. Listen to what
your friends and family have to say.
With reference to #12, at this point, you guys are over with and you’ve reflected on your pass relationship, your family and friends will be honest with you as likely as always. Perhaps they didn’t think he was all that good for you but you paid no attention to them because you deeply love this young man, possibly they saw something that you couldn’t see or whatever.
They’ll spill it all out.
20. Do not question
your self-worth, keep your head up.
For no reason should you give anyone the ability to take away your confidence/self-worth. You have control over yourself and you should not give someone who hurts you to change that. You sure have the ability to create your own happiness, don’t let no one take that privilege away from you.
21. Don’t shout at
him.
It’s tempting to shout when you’re emotionally worked up. But if you want to resolve an issue properly, be calm! If you shout your voice out and scream louder than you can, there’s little or zero chance of discussing the actual problem. You just made the atmosphere tense and he just might walk out on you leaving you hanging like a T-shirt on the hanger.
Read: How To Fight Fair In A Relationship And Grow Stronger
22. Sought for
solutions and not a win.
With reference to #21, talking about the argument is great, but you should come up with a solution. If you don’t achieve a solution, it’s useless talking about the disagreement.
Both of you should sit down and think about how you can work on the problem as one. You two should be involved in finding a solution to whatever problems you may have.
23. Don’t think about those things you did for him or gave to him, and wish you could take them back.
You can’t change the past and you gave him those things
because you felt something that you thought was real. Now you know it wasn’t,
and you can move on. A gift is what it is and it stays that way.
24. How often does he hurt you?
Couples argue, this isn’t anything new right? But you should check how often this happen. Is it the same argument over and over again? See if you should change your approach to the discussion. You should also check if he really care.
25. Let him
apologize and forgive
him.
After letting him know how you feel and explaining why you felt that way, give him the opportunity to apologize then forgive him.
26. Be sure to
evaluate your relationship.
You need to evaluate relationship if you’ve done everything on this list and it seems nothing is changing anytime soon. Observe closely if they’re not learning from their mistakes and putting efforts to change. Hurting your partner emotionally is definitely a form of abuse.
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