How To Stop Nagging And Communicate Better

It drives one crazy and eventually both of you. Asking for the same thing over and over again is not fun. Repeating yourself makes you feel like a nag and maybe you are one. It also makes the other person feel bad about themselves. There’s a way around nagging that won’t hurt any reasonable person.

Quitting nagging and start talking is not as complicated as it seems. It’s really easy. First you have to acknowledge your fault, accept them and be willing to change for good. Know that it’s not about competing with your significant other.

Read: 10 Ways How To Change Your Mindset For A Happy And Successful Life

Take your time and gradually open up those good lines of communication and adjust your expectations. I mean if you have them up there, bring them down a little and if possible, a little further.

See the steps on how to stop nagging and learn how to open a healthy conversation with your significant other.

1. Relationship is about shared decision.

One of the easiest ways to stop nagging is by getting your partner involved. Relationship is equal to partnership.

Partners don’t solve problems individually but collectively for greater good. When you’re married or in a serious relationship, you’re partners, not parents to one another.

He isn’t your father neither is she your mummy. Stop Mummying your spouse and fathering them, telling them what to do, when to do and how to do it.

Your job in a serious relationship and in marriage is to come together as one and work at healthy conflict resolution. This might not be easy from start but it’s all about you two having an understanding of how you want your relationship to be. The ideal thing to do is to identify the problem you’re having in a kind and respectful manner without hurting the other and then ask your partner to weigh in on how to resolve the conflict.

Meanwhile, have this in mind that great problem-solving are communication, empathy, and listening to one another.

Read: 11 Little Things You Do That Can End Your Relationship

2. Be mindful of your words.

It’s normal to feel frustrated or angry at your partner or yourself if you feel your partner is not pulling their weight around the house. It’s okay to feel that way. In all, don’t put your partner on the defensive, else you’ll hate yourself.

There’s a way to avoid putting your partner on the defensive and it’s as simple as listening. Take a moment and listen to the way you normally ask your partner for help. What’s your tone like when you ask for their assistance? What’s your body language too? Do you ask for your partners help while been distracted? Do you look at them while requesting for their help? Do you ask for your partners’ help with a commanding tone?

Read: 14 Things You Should Never Say In A Relationship Fight

Your words/body language and the way you make requests of your spouse matter. Instead of making them feel guilty while making a request, phrase it in a way that makes them feel special and they’ll do all you asked for.

Try these lines: “I’d really appreciate your help with…”

“It always makes me feel great/special when…”

“You’re my superhero when you…”

These phrases are great conversation starters and can even lead to hours of great conversation between you two.

Other than your spouse, you can also use these lines/phrases to ask for help from anyone.

3. Make your significant other hear you.

With reference to #1, no partner wants to be a nag. The argument is avoidable if the spouse did what they asked the first time right? And this would effectively stop nagging.

The best way to get your significant other to listen to you and avoid nagging is to get them to see things from your perspective. You might need to be a little creative here. Relate your situation/feelings to something they can understand. Our level of understanding varies and that of your spouse might be way lower than yours. But don’t treat them like second class.

Take a look at those you call your mentor, leaders, etc. they all try to convey their message(s) in the best possible way so their followers will understand them. They drive their points with stories (long or short), theirs or fictional stories. The bottom line is making the other person understand you.

One stay-at-home mom and homemaker (house wife) worked hard to keep her home neat and tidy, but her husband would come home and walk through the freshly mopped floors with his dusty shoes on. She asked him to take his shoes off repeatedly, but he could never seem to know why his pretty wife repeatedly asked him to take his shoes off in his home.

One faithful day, she said to him in a gentle voice, “Keeping the house clean is my job, just like doing your job in your office. When you come home and walk through the house with your shoes on after I just finished cleaning it, it’s as if I came to your office and ripped down the wallpaper in your office every day. Do you see how I could find this really disturbing and frustrating at the same time?”

She simply used an example the husband could understand best and this made the husband more empathetic to her desires and was willing to stop that habit with the help of his wife. They came up with an idea. A little sign was written at the front understood only by them to remind him to take off his shoes before entering the house. And guess what? She had her peace… everyone is happy.

Read: How to Communicate Better For Healthy Relationship

4. There’s no such thing as mind reading.

We all have this one bad habit of believing that, after a while, our partner knows us so well that they should be able to understand what we want without ever having to tell them. It’s a 50/50 chance if your partner predicts what could be going on in your mind.

Marriage therapist all over the world will tell you that your partner cannot read your mind. That if you ever need something from them, you should ask for it.

You could use body language to tell your partner your needs or you can send out cues that you want A, B or C, but if they don’t understand where you’re driving to by the time you get to D, it’s about time you communicate with your words. Tell them straight up what you want.

5. Do it yourself (DIY), if possible.

Nagging could be decreased by asking yourself if what you’re about to say is worth getting upset over.

If you really want to stop nagging without external interference, it’s possible. You simply need to learn how to make a request differently. Speak with love and respect and work on building empathy in your relationship. Every relationship needs empathy.

6. Take a marriage course.

Some people see marriage course as a curse. No, it’s not. The need to nag comes down to a fundamental lack of communication in a relationship. When both partners are open and honest about their needs/feelings, conversation flows naturally and partners look for ways to help each other out – instead of being told to do so over again.

There’s a difference between seeing a marriage therapist and going for a marriage course. One is like a school while the other isn’t.

Read: How to Relax As Couples for Healthy Relationship

There’re both online and offline courses designed to help couples understand each other better.

Some topics covered in online marriage courses include the following: mastering the art of communication, intimacy, setting shared goals as a couple, building compassion and empathy, sharing traditions, etc.

Good communication is key to any successful relationship, and it’s especially more important for partners. Sometimes, we may feel like we’re communicating properly, without knowing that our partner is already hearing us nagging.

Carry out a personal assessment of yourself and avoid this plague.

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