Are you more-than-friends with a friend? Are you having secret emotional affair? You should use these emotional affair signs to find out if you’re completely loyal to your partner or not.

Read: 17 Signs He’s Playing Your Feelings

What are emotional affair and what are the basic signs of an emotional affair?

Emotional affair is not cheating in the classic sense, but it’s a big problem and to a greater length, it can be classified as cheating and most people see it as such. Looking out for these subtle signs can help you get back to your relationship before you have a real crisis.

In todays’ world, it doesn’t matter how close two lovers may be, they can’t always be by each other’s side all the time. Most lovers spend chunk of their day away from each other, except on weekends. This leaves many with unfulfilled needs and as humans, we have a need to feel loved and appreciated.

We tend to look for that fulfillment at school or even at work and this might be one of the inspirations at work. Those that don’t develop emotional affair when away from their significant other are those with great self-control and have a well defined relationship.

If you want your relationship to work, you don’t want to be in any emotional affair. Don’t allow that enjoyment or excitement you enjoy at work, with friends get out of control else you just might lost it.

Read: 7 Relationship Compromises You Should Never Make

What is an emotional affair?

An emotional affair is a form of relationship you share with someone where you’re emotionally attached to them way more than you’re emotionally attached or connected to your significant other.

How people fall into emotional affair without knowing it

When you aren’t spending too much time with your own partner, or don’t connect with them emotionally for whatever reason, you may inevitably start feeling close to someone else.

As time passes by, even though you have your own lover, you may start to like someone else’s company too.

At first, it may start as someone to have a conversation with when you’re bored, and your partner isn’t around to talk to. And then, the person turns into someone you enjoy talking to. They are just the right person to hangout with. And before you know it, this person becomes an important part of your life that you can’t wait to see to share your excitement with them.

No one plans for this. It usually happens before you even know it. And that is why you need to be alert and aware of the emotional affair signs gradually creeping in.

Read: 9 Big Emotional Needs In A Relationship That Binds It

Why we don’t want to accept we’re having an emotional affair

Emotional affair is really exciting and you might tell yourself it’s not harmful. You get to experience the same flutter of the heart as you once did with your partner. It’s just harmless flirting, right?

Harmless flirting is good. It’s fun, it’s sexy, and it makes you feel more confident about yourself and your conversational skills. But is your harmless flirting with a colleague at your workplace turning into an emotional affair without you realizing it?

Sometimes, we just don’t want to accept a friendship is turning into something we did not plan for. After all, from what we understand, it’s only an affair if you kiss someone or sleep with them, isn’t it?

Frankly, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with talking to someone or enjoying the time you spend with them. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with them or having lengthy conversation over the phone with them. Where things turn spooky is when you start prioritizing them over your own significant other.

Here are 24 emotional affair signs to judge your secret relationship better

Is it possible you’re cheating on your significant other emotionally without realizing it? Yes, it is very possible and it happens to a lot of people. So you’re not alone in this unwanted situation.

Use these emotional affair signs to find out if you’re having one. And once you get that answer, ask yourself the big question you’ll have to face. What are you going to do now? After all, sometimes, the answer is never an easy one. If you know the signs of an emotional affair, you can shut it down before it affects your romantic relationship.

1. You always want to make an impression.

If you always find yourself dressing up better when you meet this particular friend, then it’s a clear sign of something growing deep within you.

You may not see this sign of an emotional affair on time, but you always try to look your best when spending time with this particular friend of yours.

Read: Being Taken For Granted Is Rough Enough

2. You make sacrifices.

Have you ever find yourself willing to sacrifice the big things just to make more time for this friend? You could stay up the whole night just to talk to your friend after your partner’s asleep. Or you could leave your place and head to work an hour early so you can spend more time with your friend or leave work hours after close just to hangout with this friend. Funny enough, you don’t even realize it is happening. You put your life, love and career aside just to spend time with this friend.

3. Your behavior.

You’re in general very friendly and touchy with this particular friend of yours. But subconsciously, both of you keep some distance from each other when your significant other is in sight. Your conversation is also formal. You don’t want to be taken unawares by this friend in anyway possible and in some instance, you let them know beforehand that your partner is within reach. Why? If you don’t have anything to hide.

4. You want their attention.

You get annoyed if you call your friend late at night and realize they’re busy on another call or didn’t pick up. Ask yourself this simple question “ why am I angry?” Maybe you find yourself feeling jealous if they date someone else or speak highly about someone to you. You really want their attention.

5. Excitement.

A significant sign of an emotional affair is the excitement of sharing new thoughts with this same friend, be it telling them how your weekend went, your review of a movie you just watched, etc.

Read: How to Be Friends with Someone You Like without Losing Your Mind This Christmas

Note: if this friend of yours is the first person to know about anything interesting that happens in your life, be it an interesting weekend, a new idea or something new you tried and not your partner, then you might want to step on the brakes.

6. You share your secrets.

With reference to #5, do you share your innermost secrets with this friend? You may be sharing secrets that even your partner doesn’t know about. And the weird thing, it makes you feel good to share such intimate details with them.

At times, the idea of sharing a new secret may even excite you or make you feel more connected to each other. This is not a good sign if you are confiding in this person, maybe even about your partner.

7. Alone time with your friend.

If you notice you spend more time talking to this friend of yours than you spend with your significant other, is a sure sign of emotional affair.

Read: How Do I Know If My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me

8. You’ve found your clandestine soul mate.

You suddenly think this friend of yours understands you better than anyone else and you respect your friend’s advice more than anyone else too.

This is usually a short-term because something isn’t right in your relationship. Once that thing is fixed, everything will return to normal. But feeling like this is a major sign of an emotional affair. And if not checked in time could take you to a destination you didn’t plan for.

9. You feel the need to stay in touch always.

Do you ever feel incomplete or like something’s missing when you don’t speak to your friend or text them for a day or two? Just like the way you feel when you fell in love with your partner.

Even when you’re on vacation or spending some time with your significant other, do your thoughts drift and leave you wondering what this particular friend of yours is up to? We all think of our loved ones when they aren’t around right? But if thinking of them or just this friend is distracting you so much, it could be a sign of strong an emotional affair going on.

10. It’s an obsession.

You’re obsessed about this friend. Both of you feel really happy to meet each other after a long day or weekend. And you feel like you’ve missed out on a good time if you don’t get to spend some time talking.

If you miss this person more than you miss your significant other when you’re not together, that’s a clear sign of an emotional affair.

11. You’re easily turned on.

Do you get easily turned on when you’re having a conversation about sex or just anything with this wonderful friend of yours?

If you feel good talking about your own intimate sexual details with your friend and it somehow turned you on, there’s clearly an emotional affair in the making already. And chances are, it will lead to something sooner than you expected.

12. Sexual tension.

With reference to #11, there’s a lot of tension in the air (sexual tension). Even when both of you sit close to one another, you can sense every part of your body that is tetchy.

There is no offence finding people attractive, but when that goes overboard and makes you question or doubt your relationship, it could be a sign of an emotional affair and it could lead to more damaging events in your relationship.

13. You flirt naturally with this new friend.

Both of you don’t always realize it, but there’s a lot of flirty conversations when both of you share a moment and it comes naturally. Other people around you could even mistake you for a couple.

14. Downplaying.

Whenever you are with your partner and you speak about this friend, you always talk about this friend like they’re not important to you. Thinking your partner is a complete fool right? You try very hard not to mention this friend when having a conversation with your significant. But somehow, their name slips out your mouth and when your partner brings it up, you pretend to be angry so they won’t continue questioning you.

15. Compliments.

One of the signs of an emotional affair is when you take the compliments of this particular friend seriously, even more serious than that of your significant other. And if this friend doesn’t compliment your new look, you’re going to have a bad day.

Read: 74 Compliments Men Would Love To Hear

But if your friend tells you that you look more beautiful with your hair styled a particular way or that red dress looks sexy on you or the heels fits just right, it just makes your day. You keep smiling all day by replaying their compliments in your head over and over again. And you follow up by wearing your hair that way or doing what they suggest more often. But if that same compliment came from your partner, they’ll mean nothing to you and all you’ll tell them is thanks and you won’t follow up like it came from that friend.

16. Cheating rule: No talk of partners.

One of the laid down rules cheats have is “No talk of partners”. You and your friend avoid talking about each other’s partners unconsciously. Peradventure one of you talks about your own partner, it’s always for a few minutes before the conversation gets back to flirty talk like your partner does not exist.

It’s a subtle way of reassuring each other that even though both of you are in relationships with other people, there’s still something magical about your emotional relationship. This is going to end in a way you least expected. Think about it this way, if they truly love you, why don’t this friend be in a relationship with you.

Mind you, this friend might just be having fun with you. Knowing their true love awaits them somewhere. So you might just be the big fool in the picture by having this unhealthy emotional affair with them. Why don’t you work on your relationship and make it what you want it to be.

17. Going overboard.

With reference to #13 and #14, one of the major signs of an emotional affair is going overboard rebuffing that anything is going on between you two. You don’t just downplay it, you mock or make fun of this friend in front of your significant other just to prove a point or two about your innocence. You say funny things about them in front of your partner like they’re weird or needy just so your partner believes you.

18. Daydream.

You daydream of your friend always. Your friend pops into your sexual fantasies. You may be having sex with your significant other, but somehow you can’t stop thinking about how remarkable it would be to make love to your friend. This is a very big sign of an emotional affair and should really push you to take action and one of such ways is to un-friend this friend and give them reasonable distance.

19. Abnormally happy.

Take a closer look at your relationship if it’s a happy one or not and see how you react to the current situation. Is your relationship falling through the cracks and you seem not bothered? You don’t feel like you’re losing something precious because you’ve gained something else that will wither soon? You are happy with this emotional affair and have sort of forgotten your actual relationship, it’s a pity.

20. Suddenly secretive.

You suddenly hide your phone and emails from your partner. You changed your passwords without giving your partner the new ones. You put your phone on silence or flight mode when you are with your partner, etc. You don’t want your partner or anyone else scrolling through your photos, text or socials. With the signs of an emotional affair, you may convince yourself you’re doing nothing wrong but deep down you know you are, so you hide the evidence. But don’t take your partner for a fool. They might just be watching you fool around and when they say it’s over, that’s when you realize yourself and it might be too late for a second chance.

21. Having a secret wish about your friend.

Even if you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner, you spend a lot of time secretly wondering about how your life could have been if you and your friend had met earlier, before you started dating your partner.

22. Defensive of your friend.

With reference to #13, not only do you downplay your relationship with this person but you out rightly deny it with high level irritation so your partner will dread bringing the topic up next time. You may even get angry if your partner asks about them. Even a simple question about how they’re doing might set you off because you are always on edge.

It is normal for people to be very sensitive and lashes out when they know they’re doing something wrong and trying to deny it at all cost.

23. Inappropriate name calling.

It is possible you have not cheated physically. But emotional affair can come with certain other inappropriate moments or name calling. Calling this friend certain pet names like baby, cupcake or sweetheart can take things to a new level even if that wasn’t intended.

You aren’t just harmlessly flirting anymore. You consider this person a big part of your life and view them as a partner by calling them such names often and in secret, you add some twisting to the name so it sound pretty sexy.

24. Disregarding your relationship.

The subtle signs of an emotional affair aren’t all about the affair itself, but your relationship as well. You may be putting more energy into this other person than your significant other. Instead of trying to fix things, you would rather hang out with this other person and put effort into that because it is new and exciting.

You are pulling away from your relationship gradually but you barely notice because you have another person occupying your time and filling that emptiness.

Emotional affairs are very common. Most of us have been on the verge of getting into one without realizing it. It still doesn’t make them good. If you identify these emotional affair signs and see that you’re experiencing any of them, it’s time to give it a serious thought.

As fun and exciting emotional affair is coupled with the Adrenalin it releases, it’s only ruining everything else around you. You don’t just know it now. If you’re in an emotional affair, you are laying on the line your own relationship. You are sure lying to your partner and I am sure you feel the guilt too. Why go through this stress?

Note that there’s no going back when an emotional affair crosses the line. So now that you know you’re in an emotional affair, you need to take a decisive step.

At this crossroads, you could either break up with your significant other or end the emotional affair with your friend. Make that decision before you ruin everything you’ve labored for.

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