Life is all about changes and I mean constant change. Detaching from someone has never been easy especially when it has to do with emotions. Emotions are strong bonds we develop towards another person.
Unfortunately, you need to let go of a person if they
no longer serve a purpose in your life – it is called life dear and it is the
hardest thing you ever have to learn.
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Steps To Find Closure And Move On After Being Dumped
The last thing you can imagine is to lose someone you
care deeply about. Losing them completely is just unimaginable. After all, why
would you need to learn how to emotionally detach from someone when you assume
they’d be in your life forever? But letting go might be one of the best
decision you would ever make.
In life, things don’t always work out the way you
imagined in your head, and this applies to both relationships and friendships.
You know, when you care about someone, you never
thought the day would come where you’d have to know how to emotionally detach
from them. However, if you don’t practically force yourself to learn it, you’d
break yourself trying to love them and hold on to them even when you know it’s
time up. Sometimes, we get a clear signal that someone we love don’t love us as
much as we think and yet we keep hoping or assuming they love us in return but
they just need some time.
As much as we love them, we need to let go and
accept that they’re not meant to be in our lives. You don’t force certain
things to happen or remain in your life including friendship and relationships.
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Early Signs of a Possessive Man You Don't Want to Overlook
How
to emotionally detach from someone you love
Learning how to emotionally detach from someone is
hard, but it’s an important life skill we all must have. It takes a lot of
trial and error, especially if you were in an intimate relationship with them. Never
force friendship or even relationships, else it will be a complete waste of
effort at the end.
However, once you’ve decided to detach yourself,
with each passing day, you’ll find yourself becoming stronger and capable of
detaching from them completely. You’ll realize that you’re no longer missing
them as much as you do initially.
Sometimes, all it takes in detaching from someone is
the right amount of courage and wisdom. Will things get easier? No. But you’ll
definitely get better day by day.
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Astonishing Things That Happen When You Live Your Passion
You’ll realize you made the right
decision. Just because you want to emotionally detach from them doesn’t
mean you don’t care about them or want them to disappear from your life
completely.
You’re simply creating a much-needed boundary for
your own mental health and total wellbeing. Maybe they’re not treating you
right or they’re detrimental to your being someway.
Whatever it is, you know that your relationship has
to end before it ends you. In this feature, we’ll be listing down everything
you need to know on how to emotionally detach yourself from someone. You need
to have a layout plan and strategically detach gradually.
1. Reflect on your
relationship objectively.
Ask
yourself if you are getting your basic needs and desires met in the relationship? Would
you be happy if your friend, daughter or son was in this type of relationship?
Being objective is the
best way to learn how to emotionally detach from someone. We know the world
says to follow your heart, but you need to use your mind, too. In some part of
the world, they’ll say “use your head”.
If they’re taking you for
granted or aren’t giving you what you need, why do you need to stay? Facing
reality might feel like a slap in your face. But it is very important to face
the reality.
It hurts so much that you
can’t go back to being ignorant of the truth. However, it’s necessary in being
emotionally detached and taking the right action steps.
2. Think on the subject of you.
Co-dependent relationships aren’t common for no reason. It’s so easy to lean towards the tendency to prioritize them instead of yourself.
However, if they aren’t treating you with the
respect or behavior you deserve, then what’s the point of the relationship? Note
that we aren’t talking about surface-level needs like flowers on Saturdays and
chocolates every Sunday. Instead, we’re talking about things like respect,
love, communication, and compromise.
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Signs You’re Being Taken For Granted
Maybe you love this person, but you’ve noticed your
mental health decline slowly and if that’s the case, well, it’s time to pay
attention to that. No matter how much you love them, you should always put
yourself first. It is not being selfish but you need to be in great shape
mentally in other to have the best of life.
3. Take all the space you want.
Space in relationships isn’t a bad idea. It doesn’t
mean you love someone less just because you have need of space.
If someone’s being toxic to your mental health,
asking for space is a must in learning how to emotionally detach from them.
Asking for space can help you give all the energy you need in feeling like
yourself again.
Read: Being
Taken For Granted Is Rough Enough
You can do whatever you want that makes you feel
like yourself again while having this space. Everyone is different when it
comes to emotionally detaching ourselves. Some need a short amount of time to
do it while others need more time.
4. Remove
memories of the person around you.
You’ll never learn how to emotionally detach from
someone if you’re encircled by memories that remind you of them. Be it pictures,
text or maybe an old sweater they left behind, you need to let those go.
This isn’t to say you should burn those memories to
the ground and be bitter and resentful of their existence like an angry ex.
Rather, just put them somewhere out of sight so you don’t have to deal with
their memories or painful emotions you’d rather not confront. Just hide those
memories temporarily until you eventually learn to control your feelings. But
if you must completely depose of them to feel better, why not?
5. Refocus
yourself.
Read: 15 Ways To Live Your Passion
The best thing you can do for yourself is to focus
on your personal development. No one will ever do it for you. This means
refocusing all your energy and time into developing yourself like reading
books, taking courses on self development and be happy other than the pain of
missing them.
We all know that heartbreak is terrible and it hurts
all over your body even to your soul. However, this is also your opportunity to
find out who you truly are, outside of the relationship. You should have a life
outside your relationship. It is key in remaining sane.
In other words, start on a new page and overhaul
yourself. Do things that you’ve always wanted to do and refocus your life
because your life has revolved around them. Do those things you’ve always
wanted to do but have not been able to because of the kind of person in your
life.
Happiness and success are the best revenge, so show
them exactly what they lose by not treating you the right way. Be so focused on
your own dreams and your own life that even one text from them no longer
bothers you and if you feel like replying their text, you do it at your
convenience with no strings attached.
6. Speak out.
I’m not referring to talking it out with the
one you want to detach from. Rather, talk about it with those you trust
most. Tell them what you have been going through and exactly how you feel and
how you’re coping.
Don’t be afraid to be as vulnerable as you can be
with them. These are your people and there’s no reason to hold anything back.
And I am sure they will strong be by your side as you go through this
challenging time.
You can also go to therapy as that’s an advisable
option for getting everything out. Talking is therapy, talking is healing. So,
whenever you need to get it out, just talk.
On the off chance you’re not into talking, you can
also have another source like writing, painting, journaling, or basically
anything to express your feelings.
7. Accept
you’re not going to be friends anymore.
There are cases where exes can totally be friends
without any awkwardness? Yeah, that does not happen in all cases. The truth is
that, if you become friends with them, it’ll happen all over again.
Read: Emotional
Affair Signs You Are Going Through
You might even end up going back to them or worse,
giving them the benefits of a relationship minus the commitment. That will be
more like friends with benefits because deep down, you know the relationship
isn’t going anywhere.
It’s best to refrain from being friends with them if
you have to. For the sake of maturity, be sure, you can be neutral and friendly
if you run into each other, but you’re not going to go to the movies or grab pizza
together. This is a no go area.
8. Take all
the time you need.
With reference to #3, they say time is the secret
ingredient you need to heal from whatever pain and heartbreak you’re dealing
with. If you want to learn how to emotionally detach from someone, time is the
one aspect you greatly need.
Don’t rush healing from the relationship because you
just might jump into another toxic relationship just because you want to feel
loved. Let time keep ticking – that day will eventually come when you’ll be
completely healed. As they say, you just have to trust the process and take it
one day at a time.
Take this as an opportunity to think about yourself
and what you want from your life plus your next relationship. Many people jump
in and out of relationships without learning from their past mistake. Relationship
is about learning and unlearning to be a better person and having a better
relationship too.
9. You need
to ask yourself why you’re so attached to them.
You need to sincerely ask yourself what about them
makes you feel so attached.
Are they your best friend? Maybe you feel like
they’re the first person to actually pay attention to you? Do they give you
something others don’t? If this is an intimate relationship, what is it about
them that makes it hard for you to move on?
Read: The
Red Flags To Look Out For In Your Relationship
You need to ask yourself all these essential
questions. In learning how to emotionally detach from someone, remember that love
is completely different from attachment.
You can be attached to someone without ever loving
them in the first place because there is something you gain from the attachment.
This is why you need to find out what factors make you so attached to them.
10. Completely cut off contact.
It is obvious you can’t completely detach from
someone emotionally if you keep talking to them every time. This doesn’t mean
you shouldn’t have their number stored somewhere just in case or talk to them
once in awhile.
Read: How
To Deal With A Careless Partner
However, you need to accept the fact that you won’t
be able to detach yourself unless you cut contact in some way. Stop calling
them, texting them, Video calls because in indirectly you want to know if they
are with someone else, or even communicating with them on social media to know
their new catch or stylishly telling other people you are the fish in their
pond.
If you cannot be mature enough and relate with them
in friends zone, just stop everything that it is you’re doing and cut off
completely. Seriously, what will you gain from maintaining regular contact with
them? You’ll never be able to emotionally detach if this is the case.
11. Stay away from shared
friends.
If you had shared/mutual
friends, then stay away from them. It isn’t doing you any good when you hear
how this person is doing or how they’re happier than they ever were.
It’s not good for your total wellbeing.
I know it is hard to distance yourself from people
who haven’t done anything wrong. But for the sake of your mental health and
emotions, it is compulsory to avoid them. However, this is only for a short time
until you’re not feeling the need to ask about this person you’re trying to
detach from. As long as you feel the urge to ask your mutual friends how
they’re doing, you’re not yet okay mentally to keep the association.
12. Grieve if you must.
We’re always so scared to grieve/ mourn, but it’s
the one thing we need to
do to express how we feel deep down. Just because things didn’t work out the
way you expected them to, doesn’t mean you have to pretend like everything’s
fine. Dear, it is not a crime to let out those tears. When you cry out, you
feel better.
Yes, the world will keep turning but that doesn’t
excuse you from grieving the loss of a relationship. If not, you’ll most likely
accept them back into your life and the cycle will continue.
You can’t learn how to emotionally detach from
someone without letting yourself grieve and feel all your emotions first. Note
that grieving is never a crime after a loss.
It is important to know that not everyone is meant
to stay in your life forever. Some people just crossed our paths to teach us a
lesson. Others cross our paths to leave us with nothing. What is most important
is to learn from every relationship we find ourselves.
Learning how to emotionally detach is having full
control of your emotions. If you think you’d still call them up whenever you
miss them, then it’s too risky and it means you have not yet moved on.
It’s never going to be
easy, but you are going to get stronger with each passing day as long as you
remain focused and ensure to see your decision through.
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