Though honesty is the basis of a lasting
relationship, there are just some things that are hard to admit and better left
unsaid. Some bring back the hurt and anxiety. So it is better to leave those
memories behind.
Keeping some things away from your partner might be
for their own good. But whatever you think they should know about to help them
decide if they want to continue with you in the relationship, it is important
you let them know. For instance: reproduction issues shouldn’t be swept under
the carpet as it will show up soon in your loving relationship. Telling your
partner about such problem or health challenge is very important. And perhaps
they decide to go on with the relationship, they will be there for you when you
need them the most. They might come up with ideas to help you have children and
you won’t feel terrible of yourself anymore.
Ever wonder why we keep secrets from our
partner?
Note that saying, “If a person truly loved you,
they’d accept you for the things you did”is not really
reassuring. We want to be loved the way we are, and not because of our past and
the things we’ve done. But have you checked yourself to see if there is a
character or habit you need to drop?
The secrets we keep are those that we think could
damage our relationships or leave us open to judgment that we aren’t prepared
for.
Our insecurities and beliefs keep us from revealing
some of the things that we’re ashamed of. Knowing that most people don’t react
well to some secrets can make us think twice about telling people about it.
Read: 12
Male Insecurities That Women Don’t Realize
Sometimes, we hear people react negatively to other
people’s circumstances. If we are experiencing the same things, our
observations tell us that revealing the same secrets can make us defenseless to
that type of judgment as well.
Can a secret stay secret?
Most secrets don’t stay secret forever, especially
if someone else knows about it. In fact, ones you tell a third party, it is no
more a secret. The problem occurs when those secrets get out, and the person on
the receiving end hasn’t had time to process said information.
It’s true that you need to be open about everything
in order to move forward in your relationships, but some people need more time
to process the information that they want to reveal. Apart from that, your
partner needs to be ready to accept the things that you want to reveal to them.
You can’t just tell someone about your mental disorder on the first date. It
doesn’t work like that.
You need to know your partner better and see if they
are the type of person who won’t judge you for the things that you have no
control over. You can’t control how they will react, but you can at least build
enough trust to be comfortable about telling them your secrets. It is best you
don’t delay like forever before letting it out. There are some issues or secrets
you don’t need to wait before letting out. Reproductive secrets can wait until
you see that the person is really talking about the future with you. Else just
keep it to yourself.
Some secrets are trivial and can be revealed in due
time. Some, however, are more serious and requires a significant amount of
trust between two people before they can be divulged. The list below contains
some of the most common secrets we keep. Some of them are very important in
keeping your relationship stable, while others are just little things that we
want to keep to ourselves.
Some of the secrets we keep are:
1. Family predicament.
We’ve lived with our family since day one of our
lives. We know how it feels, so we’re not sure whether or not a partner will
want to join in on the crazy.
2. The
number of people we’ve slept with on the first date.
“I don’t usually do this on the first date. ”Yeah,
right. And you gave in. It’s just another lie to present yourself righteous to
your new found partner. In your next relationship, you still use this line.
Read: 27
Tips to Sweet Talk And Make Him Like You
3. When you
want to knot the tie.
Honestly, any date that’s available is good for most
women. But for most men, it’s more of a question of if they want to get
married. Date is not an issue. It is for them to decide when they are finally
ready.
4. The
number of people you’ve slept with.
With reference to #2, women are known to shave a few
points off of that number to prove a point or two of how promiscuous they are
not, while men are more likely to add to it to prove they are agile on bed. As
much as we’d like to admit it to our partners, it’s still a sensitive subject
that can make or break a relationship. The right answer to this question might
make a partner question their love for you, can bring or make them insecure. It
might also lead to low-self esteem of a partner.
5. Disgusting habits we
can’t stop.
You know those habits that
are not cool but it has become a part of you. Like picking on an ingrown hair,
drinking out of the milk carton. The list goes on. But it’s so hard to stop.
Read: Annoying 10 Big Habits That Guys Hate-Ladies Watch
Out!
Read: Annoying 30 Habits That Every Girl Hate – Men Watch
Out!
6. Mental disorders.
When people jokingly say
you’re crazy, all you can do is smile and sip on your cup of win. Although this
is something that should be discussed early on in the relationship, the stigma
on having a diagnosed mental disorder still keeps people from admitting the
truth.
7. Past relationships with
their friends.
You know the girl code and
guy code right? That doesn’t apply if we really like the person. It should, but
it won’t, so most people just work very hard to deny, and cover up these past rendezvous.
8. Blocked or blacklisted contacts.
If they ever saw it, there
would be so many, many questions. Questions that we don’t have half the answers
to.
Read: 26 Things To Do When Your Boyfriend Unexpectedly
Hurts You
9. What we were like in
high school.
What we looked like
doesn’t matter as much as who we were. If we were mean, that info’s going in
the vault. If we were losers, that info’s going in there, too. It’s our little
secret.
10. The serious stuff.
Abortions, abusive exes,
rape, drug addictions, terrifying habits, etc. What matters is that some people
need time to resolve themselves to opening up about these things with their
partner in the present. So they just pretend it never happened or stylishly
drops it or tell you the surface to see how you will react. They way you react
to the little they tell you will determine if they will let it all out.
11. Our true insecurities.
Appearances and career
accomplishments are the usual suspects when it comes to insecurities, but some
can go deeper, like questioning one’s self-worth or their ability to keep a
relationship, especially if they’ve had so many relations fails.
Read: Female Insecurities That Most Men Don’t Grasp
12. Our feelings about
things they like.
That shirt looks so cool
on you, I love football too, your basement in the middle of summer is so comfy,
I love your political view, yes, I love rap music, oh that’s my type of movie.
All lies.
13. What you look like
when you sleep.
Those itchy, lacy thingies
that women wear every night. This spotless face beside yours go through a lot
when you aren’t there. It is usually slathered with gunk, serums, cream, and a
cherry on top. Smiles. But all you see is a beautiful face and a gorgeous
smile.
14. The books we read.
Why do you think the
paperback romance novel genre is still earning billions every year, well, you
don’t hear that much about it right? Many people lie about their favorite book
and I still don’t know why. We don’t have to like the same thing. Relationship
is all about understanding and respecting each other and what they love.
15. What we’re like around
our friends.
Whenever you’re with your
partner, you tend to transform into a modern version of you, don’t you? Some
people don’t reveal their playful side to their partner. They feel their
partner will call them names for being themselves. So when they are with their
friends, it’s a all new version of themselves.
16. What our bedrooms look
like.
Probably you’re a slob,
admitting that your bedroom doesn’t look normal can still be very difficult to
say to your partner especially if their bedroom is all tidy up.
17. What we looked like during
our high school days.
No matter how good or hot we
looked, it was still in high school. It’s like your mom showing you how hot she
looked wearing hot pink leg warmers and shoulder pads in her sweaters. Sorry,
that was high school.
18. The depth of our
relationship with our pets.
It’s hard to let your
partner know that in the eventuality of a raging fire in your apartment, you’ll
save the cat before them.
19. How much our clothes
and shoes cost.
20. College years.
That we can’t remember
anything that happened before graduation day. Irony.
21. Credit reports or
credit score.
When your partner realizes
that they’re dating a shopaholic, that December wedding probably won’t
materialize anytime soon.
22. Our high school
date(s).
Admitting who we dated in
high school just leaves room for us to explain what happened when we were
dating said people. Trust me, High school romances are not for the faint of
heart. So must people keep this in the Vault. “what happens in Vegas stays in
vegas”.
23. What our friends are
really like.
We love them to death, but we could kill them
sometimes. Some of the things they do are not fit for public consumption, let
alone your partner’s. Friends could be crazy.
24. How we eat.
The issue of not eating what we want in public is so
obsolete. The real thing is hiding how much you put in your mouth, if you chew
with your mouth open, or if you even use utensils at all.
Whatever your secrets are, just know that you should
always be honest with yourself. Keeping things to yourself is okay, only if
it’s not going to hunt you one day. The secret that you’re keeping shouldn’t
cause anyone harm too.
An example would be keeping an abusive relationship
with your family from your significant other. A secret like getting your upper
lips waxed is no big deal. But if you’re harboring a secret that could possibly
affect your relationship, you should think twice about hiding it or discussing
it honestly with your partner.
Secrets exist because
being honest with someone means that you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable
position. Once you’re ready to open up to someone, those secrets will start to
become shared secrets – which is so much better because someone else is helping
you carry the weight of it all.
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