How to Repair a Relationship
From our previous post, we've been able to identify the reasons why relationship fail/fall apart. It’s time to roll up our sleeves, get under the hood for some repair work.
Note that the journey to sweet love is a working process.
Process 1, Self-Assessment.
Most people will often skip the process of self-assessment because it is actually one of the toughest in all of the process of achieving enjoyable love life.
To repair a relationship with your partner, it’s crucial to take some time-out for some reflection on how you probably contributed to the problem.
The fact remains that pointing the blame on someone else is way easier than ourselves. But to repair a relationship, the game changer will be for you first take a moment to examine yourself and take note of how you contributed to the troubles. With this, your partner will see how deeply committed you are to resolving the relationship troubles for a more sweet love life.
1. Be open to change.
Adapting to changes, learning new communication skills, altering bad attitudes like nagging can do wonders in repairing a relationship.
After assessing yourself and discovered their are things about yourself that need worked on, you'll be doing yourself a greater good by enforcing those positive changes.
2. Be accountable.
Admitting you’ve messed up can be really liberating instead of stubbornly defending your negative actions like a lawyer defending a known criminal in court.
So the first major step in learning how to repair a relationship involves letting go of your ego and say “Yes, I was wrong, and here’s how I’ll make it right.”
3. Know your boundaries.
Defining what you can and can’t tolerate isn’t just a form of self-preservation; it’s a way to promote mutual respect and clarity as you repair a relationship.
Know that understanding your limitations is as important as understanding your partner’s.
4. Invest in emotional safe.
Emotional investment is the cornerstone for building a strong foundation when you’re trying to repair a relationship.
Think of your relationship like a safe were highly valuable items are kept safe, but in this case, it's EMOTIONS you're depositing.
Just as you wouldn’t go to the safe to pick an item without first putting it in there, you shouldn’t expect emotional support from your partner without giving it in return.
Process 2, Initiating the repair.
After carrying out self-assessment, you’re now well informed with new insights about resolving conflicts in the relationship. It’s now time to roll up sleeves and take the first step.
1. Initiating the conversation.
Initiating the conversation is the starting point for resolving any type of relationship problems. It’s not okay to just say “We need to talk”. it's way more than that. It’s being intentional in your conversations, it's about choosing the right moment, it's about the right setting, and most importantly, you.
2. Apologizing.
Just like love languages, we all have a preferred way we like to give and receive apologies. Offering a heartfelt apology is like preparing the favorite meal for your significant other, it requires the right ingredients and adding them at the right proportion.
Either expressing regrets or making amends, understanding your partner’s apology language can be crucial in how to repair a relationship.
3. Quality communication/open dialogue.
How do you tell your partner you're sorry? while saying sorry is a good start, quality communication and open dialogue is the key player to a long-term harmony.
It’s not just about talking, but about truly being physically and mind present in the moment, ready to listen, understand and be held as well.
4. Honesty.
Honesty is very important and it's the best if you're committed to resolving relationship troubles.
5. Rebuilding trust.
Mutual reliance and shared goals can help restore trust. Engaging in trust-rebuilding exercises like sharing secrets or making joint decisions can be solid bricks in your new rebuilding trust.
Process 3, Sustaining the Momentum.
Sustaining the momentum is like a gardner maintaining a garden. A gardner will not plant seeds and then take a walk into the wild. The seeds need to be watered, nurtured, and occasionally ward off weeds but in this case, EMOTIONAL weeds.
1. Frequent Check-ins is a must.
Frequent check-ins provide a the opportunity discuss your feelings, concerns and to ascertain what’s working or not working.
Ensure to always take out time at agreed day to give feedback on your relationship. What should be discussed during this time should strictly be towards better and healthier relationship.
2. Love languages.
Ever read about "The Five Love Languages" ? A book written by Gary Chapman. Whether it’s ‘physical touch‘ or ‘quality time ' or 'receiving gifts,’ knowing your partner’s love language is like having a code for maintaining emotional connection.
Knowing your partners love language will make your bond stronger and your relationship will become healthier each day.
If your partner’s love language is ‘Quality time,’ surprise them occasionally by spending some quality time with them. You could decide on specific days to be just alone.
The most important is to spend time together be it daily or weekends, it all depends on your schedule.
3. Invest in quality time.
With reference to #2 above, spending quality time with your significant other is like depositing money in your bank but in this case, you are making emotional deposited.
We all no that time is money but in relationships, ‘it is emotional investment.’ Investing in quality time is also for bonding tightly.
Plan regular date nights or activities like cooking or doing laundry together.
4. Avoid past errors.
Avoiding past error is like driving on the highway with a GPS enabled car and at a point says: “Recalculating route” just at the point where you’re about to make a wrong turn.
If lack of time together was an issue, ensure to see each other and be involve in whatever you agree to do together that moment. If it is a distance relationship, schedule time to visit each other.
Process 4, Professional help.
There's nothing wrong in getting help when you've tried all you could in resolving relationship troubles. Visiting a coach sometimes is advised.
Discuss with your partner on paying a visit to an expert. It's really a good idea especially if you two still want to be together but can't work things out alone.
1. Individual therapy.
So you should know that there is individual therapy and couples therapy when visiting an expert.
You can go visit a professional yourself if you're sure you are the issue.
Sometimes problems in our relationship can also reflect cracks within our selves as individuals. In this case, individual therapy is highly recommended. But if you want your partner to be present with you during the session, let them know and i'm certain they'll gladly go with.
As individuals, working on your own personal growth can contribute significantly to a healthier relationship. It is atmost importance to identify issues you personally need to deal with like low self-esteem, anger issues or lies and find a professional who specializes in those areas of concern for urgent help.
2. Couples therapy.
If you find yourselves stocked with criticizing each other, contempt, defensiveness, etc, it might be time for couples therapy and it is not a crime to go for couples therapy.
Remember that there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship/marriage. But a better, healthier, and more fulfilling one is very possible. So go ahead and start the journey on how to repair a relationship to always remain fresh and loving.
Picture: Pixabay
The Four Processes To Fix A Broken Relationship
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Reviewed by Juilal
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